Anxious to please free ebook

Author Craig English. Publisher Sourcebooks. Release 01 April Subjects Psychology Self-Improvement Nonfiction. Search for a digital library with this title Search by city, ZIP code, or library name Learn more about precise location detection. View more libraries Included is a Screening Test to determine your level of need for help.

A chapter on social anxiety with ways to deal with it. How to recognize oncoming panic attacks including a calming sequence to follow to cope with them. Additionally, a playlist from TheHopeLine with music chosen to calm you.

Tips on how to help a friend dealing with anxiety disorders. And, a spiritual perspective and video from Matty Mullins of Memphis Mayfire on fear. TheHopeLine Founded over 25 years ago by youth speaker and radio host, Dawson McAllister, we have heard the struggles people face and learned how to offer life-changing support. Get Help Now. Follow Us:. The loss that we are talking about is the lack of reliable, consistent, and attuned love from the mother.

This loss prevents the formation of secure attachment. Secure attachment blooms into self-assuredness. Disorganized attachment forms when the child is regularly overwhelmed and terrified by the parent. These children face an intense internal paradox: their instinct is to seek soothing from the very parent who is terrifying them.

Desperate to maintain a bond with that parent, they fragment internally, repressing their overwhelming rage and fear.

When they become adults, these raw emotions will randomly reappear, causing great disruption in their relationships. The ability to manage this anxiety varies from one person to the next, and the oscillation of conditions in a person's life will trigger ebbs and flows in anxiety level. Nevertheless, Nice People are anxious people, and whether or not they are conscious of it, this anxiety rules their life.

The Nice Person's relationship with anxiety ranges from a vague uneasiness to a pervasive panic that requires medical attention. Like the desperate, trapped coyote wiling to chew off his own leg, the Nice Person will do almost anything to avoid, soften, or extinguish these feelings of anxiety. Nice people often attribute their anxiety to a seemingly endless stream of circumstances.

It is a cornerstone of the Nice Person's transformation to begin to recognize that the pain originates from inside, not outside. Transforming People must come to accept there really is something wrong, something that doesn't work, and something that alienates them from themselves. For the nice Person to honestly look behind the curtain of the psyche, she or he will have to develop the capacity to tolerate intense feelings.

Nice people are anxious people. In the years to come, he will feel shame at any hint of their appearance in him.. They seek to create a face to present to the world that they imagine will be more acceptable.

For many men and women, this becomes the Nice Person persona. Because they have never been able to find a way to feel secure enough, they do not mount a sufficient defense when their well-being is threatened. Compliments from a Nice Person can feel like applause from a drunken audience.

Awareness is the practice of bringing sustained attention to thought, emotion, body, and behavior. Many Nice People began absorbing anxiety with their mother's milk and, in some cases, with their food through the umbilicus.

It appears to be such an innocent phrase, but often Nice People are not offering a sincere apology; they are apologizing because they feel threatened by the emotional state of the other person. The unbearable feeling inside them comes from their fear of conflict, which might endanger their relationship. We may pretend we don't have anger, but later we will lash out in a passive-aggressive act. We may close our fist on an emotion, but later we may find that it has burrowed into our skin and festered.

Developing patience for watching repetitive thoughts or harmful behavior Forgiving yourself for making mistakes Forgiving the child you were Learning to pat yourself on the back for having the courage to look at difficult or frightening emotions, thoughts, or behavior. Having a sense of humor perhaps the most important grace. It is a startling irony that our darkness our negative thoughts and feelings is the portal to change. So when the Nice Person behavior seems most acute or stubborn or painful, it is often a sign that deep down, change is happening.

Remember that we are doing difficult work — work which most people are afraid to attempt. We are Transforming People, not transformed people. We are worthy of compassion.

We are worthy of a good laugh. We are worthy of grace. On the one side of the razor is self-flagellation judging, demeaning, and dismissing the self , and on the other side is self-indulgence.

Compassion for Self It is worth emphasizing the indispensability of grace. Nice People will face their anxiety again and again. Just when they think they've got it licked they will pull the same Nice Person stunt and then have to battle adding insult to injury trough self-recrimination and guilt. These corrosive patterns are tenacious, so it is essential that the Transforming Person develop persistence in their own compassion.

The fellowship of loving friends will become invaluable in supporting this vigilant compassion. Hat the Nice Person needs to understand is that they have a lifetime pattern of minimizing their 'niceness', of brushing it off, and protesting to themselves that it really shouldn't be such a big deal. But their anxiety was imprinted in their hearts at a time when getting mommy's love was a matter of life and death.

It is a big deal. Remember: You are doing difficult work Give yourself comfort and encouragement Bravery is choosing to get back up and try again. To find it they must work with their anxiety.

They wish for light and must seek it in their darkness. They thirst for clean, cool water and must seek it I the desert. Such riddles are frustrating and difficult to understand until they are experienced. Desert Practice. Pack lightly, Yourself, your awareness, and your compassion are all that will be required.

Even so, it is common especially among Nice Guys to feel completely at sea when it comes to decorating or shopping for clothes. For these Nice People, torture is having the job of outfitting the new apartment. Anxiety plays a key role in major diseases, as well as chronic pain such as stomach upset, sleep disorders, obesity, and fatigue.

And there are a host of lesser ailments — muscular pain, irregular bowel movements, rashes, teeth grinding, sexual dysfunction or disinterest, etc. But eventually the skills become second nature, the practice of them pleasurable, and the warrior emerges.

This 'niceness' ultimately undermines Brotherhood and Sisterhood relationships, which rely on a mutual strength. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, I'll try again tomorrow.

If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters. Cummings "Every human being's essential nature is perfect and faultless, but after years of immersion in the world we easily forget our roots and take on a counterfeit nature. In the end, we can't be anyone else. It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering.

The more I consider what men have lost—a useful role in public life, a way of earning a decent and reliable living, appreciation in the home, respectful treatment in the culture—the more it seems that men of the late twentieth century are falling into a status oddly similar to that of women at mid-century. The fifties housewife, stripped of her connections to a wider world and invited to fill the void with shopping and the ornamental display of her ultra-femininity, could be said to have morphed into the nineties man, stripped of his connections to a wider world and invited to fill the void with consumption and a gym-bred display of his ultra-masculinity.

Jan 08, Leanna Henderson rated it really liked it. It really opened my eyes to a lot of things in my life. I am constantly sacrificing my own needs and wants to please others, then complimenting myself in my head for my martyrdom. Heck, I even get bossed around by myself! I never realized how this behavior has affected every single area of my life. Also good for their loved ones, especially romantic partners. Jun 20, Arika Escalona rated it it was amazing Shelves: narration-projects. The topic isn't for everyone, but for those who fit the bill, this is really excellent.

Feb 12, Krysztina rated it liked it Shelves: fiction , psychology , self-help. I might've sworn off any self-help books for a while after the disasterpiece that was You Were not Born to Suffer , but the free preview for Anxious to Please on Play Books absolutely sold me.

The problem is that the meat of the thing - the 7 practices - are hardly "revolutionary" on the I might've sworn off any self-help books for a while after the disasterpiece that was You Were not Born to Suffer , but the free preview for Anxious to Please on Play Books absolutely sold me.

The problem is that the meat of the thing - the 7 practices - are hardly "revolutionary" on their own. What's more, the authors repeatedly try to force the notions of "masculinity" and "feminity" in their example scenarios, but it's too much of a leap to be believable, and I doubt your average Jane or Joe think that their partner's [gender]ity is directly responsible for their conflict. If they do, they should read Women vs. Feminism ASAP. The scenarios themselves become increasingly less believable as the book goes on.

Finally, some of the things the book suggests are downright bizarre. I get the notion of "creative conflict" anything's better than trying to shout down the other person, right? Conflict is communication, not a two-part monologue. I'm mighty curious if there are any success stories from people who've used the "creative" approach. As someone whose family always sorts conflict then and there, I just can't wrap my mind around it.

To sum up, the theoretical foundations of this book are solid and there's some good, common-sense advice there, but all in all it's very hit-and-miss. I appreciated the in depth explanation of childhood experiences that lead to anxious attachment. Starting off, this book was quite cringey as it felt like a mirror was being held up to my face in the worst possible way. But after a while I felt like the tips gave me some hope, and I was pleasantly surprised that I'd already started practicing some of the recommended skills.

The book did, however, feel like it was written by older There were also some statements that focused on cognitive gender differences that I found to be outdated I'd say neuroscience agrees , but looking past those critiques, I have found this book to be quite helpful for working on being less "chronically nice".